Celebrity Quotes

Sometimes I wish I could be a novelist, screenwriter, poet, or lyricist (oh, I've had brief attempts at each, but oh how they sucked!); they just seem to have a knack for words. Here are a few things that have probed my mind or tickled my funny bone by some more known figures.

Movies

  • Lester Bangs: "What, are you like the star of your school?"
    William Miller: "They hate me."
    Lester Bangs: "You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle."
    -Almost Famous
  • Polexia: "Forgive me, Father, for I may sin tonight."
    -Almost Famous
  • Randal: "I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule."
    -Clerks
  • Thomas Wayne: "Why do we fall? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up."
    -Batman Begins
  • Eric: "It can't rain all the time."
    -The Crow
  • Sarah: "Buildings burn. People die. But real love is forever."
    -The Crow
  • Metatron: "Tell a person you're the Metatron, and they stare at you blankly; mention something out of a Charleton Heston movie and suddenly they're theology scholars."
    -Dogma
  • Leonardo Da Vinci: "You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She's got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand."
    -Ever After
  • Ferris: "We can't pick up Sloane your car. Mr. Rooney would never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of shit."
    Cameron: "Piece of shit? It's not a piece of shit."
    Ferris: "Trust me, it is a piece of shit. Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours."
    -Ferris Beuller's Day Off
  • Martin: "You don't know my cat. It's very demanding."
    Debi: "It? You don't know if it's a boy or girl?"
    Martin: "I respect its privacy."
    -Grosse Pointe Blank
  • Debi: "Some people say that you have to forgive and forget. I dunno; I say forget about forgiving and just accept...and get the hell out of town."
    -Grosse Pointe Blank
  • Jed: "I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you, when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God."
    -Malice
  • Man: "Who's that then?"
    Cart Driver: "I don't know. Must be a king."
    Man: "Why?"
    Cart Driver: "He hasn't got shit all over him."
    -Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  • Sir Bedevere: "And that, my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped."
    King Arthur: "This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Please explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes."
    -Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  • Wesley: "So what happens now?"
    Fezzik: "We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone."
    Wesley: "You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?"
    -The Princess Bride
  • Hannibal Lecter: "Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real."
    -Red Dragon
  • Narrator: "Finding new and preferably disgusting ways of degrading a friend's mother was always held in high regard."
    -Stand By Me

Music

  • Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.
    -Aerosmith, "Amazing"
  • If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin
    Then mister, you're a better man than I
    -Aerosmith, "Livin' on the Edge"
  • If the road gets tough, I'll pick up my guitar and play
    It's always been right by my side to help me on my way
    -Cinderella, "One For Rock and Roll"
  • "Nothing good comes without hard work. The things that stratify your situation in school, the things that number you from top to bottom, they're not always going to be around. That arbitrary 'who's popular' and 'who's not' doesn't matter. The rest of your life, it's all level ground. Nobody will give a fuck about whether you were class president."
    -Adam Duritz, Counting Crowes
  • I heard this line one time 'bout trying to save the world
    But have you ever tried to save yourself?
    -Def Leppard, "Blood Runs Cold"
  • Move on, be brave, don't weep at my grave
    Because I am no longer here
    But please never let your memory of me disapper
    -Dream Theater, "The Spirit Carries On"
  • Please tell me God didn't die
    -Extreme, "God Isn't Dead?"
  • Has God made man, or man made god?
    -Extreme, "There Is No God"
  • Scars are souvenirs you never lose
    The past is never far
    - Goo Goo Dolls, "Name"
  • Life is what happens to you
    While you're busy
    Making other plans
    -John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy"
  • You may say I'm a dreamer
    But I'm not the only one
    -John Lennon, "Imagine"
  • If you wanna live life on your own terms
    You gotta be willing to crash and burn
    -Motley Crue, "Primal Scream"
  • "The past is the past, the future is unknown, right now is a gift, and that's why its [sic] called a Present."
    -Nikki Sixx, Motley Crue
  • If I am your pride and joy
    Would you find it in your hearts?
    Would you let me back inside?
    You know I must apologize
    If I did offend
    I've just heard life is a fatal disease
    -Nuno, "Swollen Princess"
  • Why can't I steer the ship before it hits the storm?
    I've fallen into the sea, but still I swim for shore
    -Skid Row, "In a Darkened Room"
  • I'm lost somewhere between heaven and hell.
    -Zakk Wylde, "Heaven and Hell"

Literature

  • "It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant."
    -Stephen King, The Body
  • "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children."
    -James O'Barr, The Crow
  • "'Minutes to learn, a lifetime to master,' Fred told me, is an ancient quote traditionally used in reference to this game [Go]. It is an adage I had heard before but had always assumed referred to sex."
    -Dan Piraro, Bizarro Among the Savages
  • "Emotional baggage is an interesting thing. No matter how much you travel, you simply can't lose it-- it just keeps popping up on the luggage carousel with your name on it. And even if you try to ignore it and don't pick it up, it gets delivered right to your hotel room. There is simply no escaping it until you unpack it."
    -Dan Piraro, Bizarro Among the Savages
  • "A bad dream. To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world is a bad dream."
    -Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

TV

  • Fred: "You know what they say about payback? Well, I'm the bitch!"
    - Angel
  • Buffy: "Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I died?"
    Willow: "Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked."
    -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • Spike: "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
    - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • Xander: "You're considered somewhat cool."
    Oz: "I am?"
    Xander: "Is it because you tend to express yourself in short, non-commital sentences?"
    Oz: "Could be."
    -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • Norm: "It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear."
    -Cheers
  • Norm: "Women, can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."
    -Cheers
  • Wash: "Curse your sudden, but inevitable betrayal."
    -Firefly
  • Wash: "We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero!"
    -Firefly
  • "Politics is show business for ugly people."
    - Jay Leno
  • Jimmy: "I found this book she wrote on subliminal advertising. Thought maybe I could get her to autograph it for my mom's birthday."
    Perry: "Whatever happened to candy or flowers?"
    Jimmy: "My mom's overweight and she's got allergies."
    - Lois & Clark: The Adventures of Superman
  • "I've always said there's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not."
    -Monty Python and the Flying Circus
  • Homer: "I was ashamed, Marge. I've failed you as a husband and a provider...and at best, I was a B+ dog. I'll understand if you want to sleep on the couch tonight."
    -The Simpsons
  • Homer: "God bless those pagans."
    -The Simpsons
  • Homer: "Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen."
    -The Simpsons